Puns for Educated Minds
- 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
- 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
- 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
- 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
- 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- 17. A backward poet writes inverse.
- 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
- 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
- 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
- 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
- 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
- 25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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